Fall Season Kicks Off in Middle East Conference with Navy vs. Syria State


cruise_missile_launch_navy_photoI envy my Texas Orangeblood brethren waiting for the fall season’s action to commence today. Here in Jordan we await the season opener in the Middle East Conference. We have heavily favored visiting (US) Navy up against Syria State in a still unscheduled match. Returning starter Tom A. Hawk Cruise will lead Navy’s quick firing “missile offense” against Syria State’s outmatched defense, though Head Coach Assad promises a “graveyard” for the visiting team. Navy’s “CEO” Coach Obama counters that injuries should be slight since Cruise and his teammates will be heavily armored, in fact aren’t even human, and they will disintegrate each time they score. Air Force, Army and Marines might follow Navy in future matches, all against hapless Syria State, which for curious reasons is decimating its own fan base. Meanwhile, Great Britain has decided to leave the conference, possibly to be replaced by France (of all teams) in a surprise move. Other match-ups in the conference include the longstanding Israel-Palestine rivalry series (which Israel leads 100 to 0), Egypt Army versus Muslim Brotherhood, and Iraqi Shiites versus Sunnites, where action has already ensued with more fireworks in store. TV deals are solid for the conference with non-stop global coverage provided by CNN, Al Jazeera and every major network in the planet. Syria State has landed a major equipment and sponsorship deal with Russia and won endorsements from China but it remains to be seen if this will assist its campaign this fall. Osama Bin Laden will not be returning for Al Qaeda (ever) but the squad promises a bevy of fresh recruits following this season’s kickoff. Hook ’em from Amman.longhorn logo

Down and out in the Tenderloin, a Longhorn lament


I just got in from a few days in San Francisco. I observed the World Series victory parade for the Giants, million fans lining Market Street, wearing orange and black on Halloween Day in a highly festive atmosphere. It made me think that it might be a while before the Horns fans don the burnt orange on Guadalupe celebrating another national championship. Since that fine post-Rose Bowl day in early January 2006, we had some good seasons with ‘ol Colt and gang, but look at the situ now. Vince Young is no longer in the NFL and the Horns are no longer a BCS threat, it’s been a hullava long time since we whupped a ranked team, and meanwhile, we’ve been whupped plenty good by many teams that love to hate Texas. It’s been good times for them and Horns haters everywhere. Yeah, it’s a bit maudlin, I know, but the fortuneteller I consulted in the Tenderloin in Ess Eff said it wasn’t looking good for the boys and pointed me in the direction of a crack dealer hanging out on

Sutter and Hyde. I opted to go the Ace’s bar instead, downed about ten chilled Tecates with lime, and felt better for it.

Mountain Mama Comes to Austin


Texas-West Virginia Pregame 

West Virginia is a pretty good lookin’ mountain mama coming to Austin after some of those dogs hightailed it out of the conference. Nice to have her in town but it could get pretty wild in the back seat of the Ford while the offenses bang away at each other and the no-defenses allow all that easy scoring. Let’s hope the Horns’ “rubber” defense works, blocks some penetration. Geno’s a wild man, and I do think the Miners are gonna show up. Brace yourselves and let’s have a fun ride.

PS: I do think John Denver was a very fine musician.

I’ve Got This One, Texas-West Virginia Pregame

 

 

 

Pokin’ the Pokes in Stillwater


Texas-Oklahoma State Pre-Game

Well, the Horns are hitting the trail across the Red River, on up to Stillwater, where the boomers started it all by shoving the Native Americans aside. The place was God forsaken and unpopulated until they decided to clear some brush weed for a university and there you have it, good ‘ol OSU and T.Boone’s money. Now a Jordanian friend, a fellow “hasher” of the Hashemite Hash House Harriers (a “drinking club with a running problem”) told me yesterday at a poolside party at the Aussie Embassy majestically overlooking the sun baked brown olive-tree laden hills of south Amman that he went to OSU and he said Oklahoma girls were among the finest he’d seen, said he was bug eyed his whole freshman year. Well, we had just done a noonday run in near 100 degree heat before swilling copious amounts of chilled Cooper’s ale that the Oz were serving up but I knew he was telling the truth. Willis Allan Ramsey said northeast Texas women are Texas gold and I reckon the same applies just a few miles north of the border. Must be the still waters. OK, this said, the Horns just need to trample through town like the real longhorns did more than a hunnert years ago, and get the hell out, not even stop for a poke, unless its pokin’ the Cowpokes — we want to see plenty of that.

Willie Earl’s Texas-Oklahoma State Pregame

Los Lobos Come to Austin


Texas – New Mexico Pre-Game

W.E., clearly, there is an air of discontent in Longhorn Land. If the score of tonight’s game is not something like 72-3, we could be looking at either a pitchfork rally on Guadalupe Ave, or maybe Longhorn Nation just enters a phase of malaise, like Jimmy Carter once said, where basically we just …don’t…give…a…shite, anymore. Nah, il n’est pas possible. Escuchar amigos, Los Lobos are better as a Chicano rock band from East LA than they are as a football team. It should be OK, really, tonight on the football field.

Willie Earl’s Texas-New Mexico Pregame